Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

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Posted April 17, 2015 by in

Rating

Total Score
 
 
 
 
 

.5/ 5

Quick Stats

Genre: family, comedy
 
Director: Andy Fickman
 
MPAA Rating: PG
 
Actors: Kevin James, Raini Rodriguez, Eduardo Verástegui
 
Length: 94 minutes
 
Release Date: 4/17/2015
 
Studio: Happy Madison Productions, LStar Capital, Sony Pictures Entertainment (SPE)
 
 
What We Thought

This movie is junk. Family audiences deserve better than this. There is just no reason to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 now or ever

by Daniel Hodgson
Full Article
Paul Blart:  Mall Cop 2 is an improvement over the depressingly unfunny original.  I did not laugh once during Paul Blart:  Mall Cop.  I did, however, laugh one time during the sequel.  Once.  So, that is an improvement…
     I won’t spoil the movie’s good joke, singular.  So, let me give away one of Mall Cop 2’s many unfunny ones, to illustrate the film’s sense of humor (or lack thereof).  Early on, Paul Blart (Kevin James) tries his hand at Craps at the Wynn casino, and loses all of his money in one round.  The scene’s punchline is in how he chugs down a complimentary glass of root beer.  Then the scene is over.  Hilarious.
     Blart visits Vegas after getting invited to the Security Officer Trade Association Expo.  He brings along his daughter, Maya (Raini Rodriguez), who’s been accepted to UCLA, unbeknownst to him.  Maya is the only thing he has left—and she knows it, his wife of 6 days having left him (Jayma Mays from the original film was unavailable) years earlier, and his mother having died after getting hit by a milk truck, in a scene that I can only guess is supposed to be funny.
     The original was a family-friendly version of Die Hard.  Mall Cop 2 is the same thing…in Vegas.  While Blart takes in the resort, Vincent (Neal McDonough) and his team set into motion a plan to steal pieces of art from the hotel, including a Van Gogh.  Maya stumbles upon their plan, and is taken hostage.  Blart must foil the thieves and rescue his daughter.
     The thieves go about their plan in such a way that there’s next-to no tension.  Their operation is clandestine, putting nobody’s lives in danger other than Maya’s.  None of the resort guests are the slightest bit afraid, unaware that armed men are robbing the building  (despite the fact that there is a shootout in progress before their very eyes…). Compare this to the original film, where the thieves took half-a-dozen hostages, locked down the building, and stood-off against a SWAT Team, a la Die Hard.  The follow-up, on the other hand, plays it safe, even by family film standards.
     There is a long scene where Blart fights an exotic bird for no particular reason, and another long, long scene where Blart hotwires a segway with a rubber band, a paper clip, and a Hershey’s Kiss chocolate, MacGyver style.  What does he do with the chocolate?  After very carefully unpeeling the silver rapper, taking an eternity to do so, he eats it, of course.  Hysterical.  It’s the kind of crass product placement typical of a Happy Madison production.
     This movie is junk.  Family audiences deserve better than this, and there’s better movies out there.  Home is still in theaters, and better yet, so is Cinderella.  There is just no reason to see this movie now or ever; when it’s available on DVD, there will be even more to choose from.
     There’s money in family films, that’s why this film was made.  It’s commercial, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but Paul Blart:  Mall Cop 2 lacks the one thing a commercial film needs to justify itself:  entertainment value.  If a money-maker movie doesn’t at least have that, it’s a rip-off, plain and simple, taking your money and giving nothing back.
     Hollywood can’t afford to be this lazy in the coming years.  With the financial successes of Into the Woods and Cinderella, Disney has a slate of live-action films on the horizon.  Who’s going to see crap like this when there will be better movies out there? Competing studios will have to dig deep, get creative, and actually try.  Here’s to hoping, anyway.

 


About the Author

Daniel Hodgson

Daniel has a degree in film from the University of Texas at Austin, and writes about himself in the third-person, because that's the fashion.

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